Hi everyone, so it's been about two months since I started my secondary 3 year with new classmates and some old ones! All my good friends are taking different subject combinations so we were reluctantly separated into different classes. Right from the start I knew that there would probably already be people who have prejudice against me based on negative rumours/issues during the past 2 years I was in the school. (More details why later on)

Although I've tried to accept and come to terms with being 'infamous', it still hurts me that there are still some who are judging me for something that I've already long forgotten about. 

Especially since these haters have long past crossed the line between mere gossiping to cyber bullying. This may not come as a surprise but I've been getting hate, negative criticism from people who probably don't know me well personally. Most of my hate comes from Ask.fm, an online social networking site where questions can be sent in by other users or anonymously. The anonymity is a very good way for cowards to send in comments shaming others. In my case, they have TRIED to insult my attitude, my singing skills (or lack thereof), my academics and more trivial redundant things which I forgot about since it doesn't mean a great deal to me.

A few screenshots of the hate I've received just in this past month. There's more down below.

Credits to Lisa and Jas for all the tumblr memes!

Let's first start with the reasons why I get hate in a chronological order.

What kind of started the whole general dislike towards me was when I was temporary class chairman in Sec 1. I didn't ask for that position, I was just trying to make new friends in an environment that I've never been in before and I wanted to make a new start after graduating from Primary School. Naturally, being me, I was really talkative and my form teacher just picked me to be in charge of the class for that reason. 

I'll admit, I USED to be REALLY BOSSY. Power gets into my head, and I start to shout at people. Being the class temporary chairman, I tried to befriend everyone in the class, invited everyone to sit together at this certain table during recess and created a class group where we could interact and bond. 

At first it was all fun and games but with big groups there would surely be conflicts. As my classmates made their own circle of friends and sat with others during recess, I felt as if I was losing friends just like in primary school. 

I grabbed on to them, not letting them leave and annoyed them even more, it's no wonder they decided to find other better friends! I cried, as people started to think differently about me.

I was left with this one friend, but she had to choose between me and another bigger group of friends. I was annoying, whiny and angry and I don't blame her for leaving now although at that time I was really depressed and mad.

As if things weren't looking bad enough already, a few weeks later when everyone was still adjusting to school,  I had a major disagreement with another class' chairman which led to a rivalry between us. Unintentionally, we dragged my class and her class into it. To top it off, we're both really competitive people... 

I actually really don't remember what it was about! But after whatever happened, she badmouthed me in her class WhatsApp group. Naturally when I found out, I got angry, defended myself and bitched back about her in my class group. Screenshots of both groups were exchanged and the conflict got even more heated. 

The majority of the people pissed with me in both classes told their 'Angels' in the 'Angels and Mortals' game about me. This is a TKGS tradition where sec 2 seniors write to their juniors in their previous class to make them feel welcomed and less shy during the sec 1's orientation.

After a while the other class chairman and I just stopped talking to one another and it cooled down a bit. We're actually cool now, I hope we don't have hard feelings! We aren't close but we don't shoot daggers at one another anymore haha! She's admirable in some ways. I find that her leadership skills are very good, maybe I ought to learn from her!

I wanted to try new things so I made a YouTube cover of Cher Lloyd's 'Want U Back' which is seriously so so embarrassing. My hair was tied in this awkward side pony tail, I was wearing home clothes and I had this fake accent (I'LL ADMIT IT, what was I even thinking?!) I even forgot the lyrics three quarter into the song. However, for some reason I thought it was still 'cool' and 'acceptable' so I uploaded it foolishly.

The response wasn't that bad since I wasn't that 'infamous' yet and no one really talked about it although it had garnered quite a bit of views.

Then in March of 2013 I got a boyfriend. (I've never mentioned this before in my blog) Since we were only in sec 1, many people were still quite immature so they made a HUGE fuss out of this and about half of the cohort knew and gossiped about it. They even knew the name of the boy! But I didn't really care. I think my form teacher at that time caught the drift of the gossip and tried to interrogate the truth out from me hahaha but to no avail (We broke up after 3 months, in case you didn't know and were curious)

Again, I don't really remember what happened but I was just really bossy for projects. When my peers made mistakes, I would snap at them instead of listening to an explanation.

Just like before, no one would like to be friends with someone is controlling, so I was alone until my parents finally knocked some sense into my head after so many years and I started to change for the better.

I started with simple things, example: Instead of assigning someone to do a task like I did so in the past, I'll now ask the group members what they are more comfortable with doing.

Slowly, I made new friends. They weren't the cool and popular kind, I would have preferred at that time but they were really nice and accepting. I am so so grateful for them. We were all very different so it was hard to get along at first but we tolerated each other. Jasmine's fangirling for Star Trek, Sherlock and Doctor Who, Asfar's emo-ness and my irritating ways... Yeah we made a pretty weird trio. 

Then there came a time where The Cup Song in Pitch Perfect was the biggest trend and I decided to upload a video of my friend and I singing an original mashup of a few songs with the cup song tune while wearing our SCHOOL UNIFORM onto YouTube.

I shared it on my social sites and people who saw it shared it too. It went viral in my school. VIRAL! I had 1200+ views which I don't think is that much but many people in my school were talking about it, including the seniors. Most of the comments were actually positive but the attention made me even more 'infamous'. To be honest, I thought that it was a nice video since our mashup was cool, my singing was just a little weak. 

I kept the video up until recently when my friend requested for it to be taken down because her parents found out and didn't approve. I think that was that was the only video I wasn't ashamed of hahahaha

Things started to get better bit by bit :) I was happier and my classmates started to accept me. It was seriously nice of them to do that. Thank you!

Surprisingly I still did decently for my sec 1 examinations and that motivated me to be the top of the class. I stressed myself a lot while sticking to my best friends but all in all my Sec 2 year was okay, considering that my classmates and I all adjusted well to one another already.

Thinking back, some of my classmates probably thought I was a show off because I'll get really happy when I receive my marks and run off excitedly. I don't think I've ever said my marks out loud without being asked though, I just look super pumped up and they ask me. Maybe I wasn't being sensitive and they felt hurt when they compared my marks with their own. I remember this conversation I had with my classmate during script checking at the end of last year:

"Jermaine how much did you get?"

Me: "If I say later people say I show off again

"no la, I ask you then you say, like that not show off what"

Obviously that logic doesn't apply for everyone since some found me attention seeking and a show off just because it is shown on my face that I'm happy about scoring well. My friend told me that I bring it up when it isn't necessary sometimes, and that gave people the impression that I was arrogant.

But the main problem in sec 2 was CmPS. Basically, CmPS is an acronym for Community Problem Solving where we identify an underlying problem within the community and come up with plans and actions to solve it. At first we were assigned into groups of 6 and I actually enjoyed CmPS but when the class chose to represent my group's project, it became a larger scale project that involved my whole class. Unfortunately, I was one of the few, if not the only one that liked CmPS. 

Therefore, when I asked the class for opinions during discussions, they didn't respond or wanted to change the idea completely or replied, in my opinion, quite rudely. So after a while, I was pretty much fed up and done with CmPS. I started to lose my temper when people didn't finish their assigned tasks, slacked or was unproductive during CmPS periods. 

I changed back to my old ways and  became bossy again... My relationship with the class worsened again :( We ended CmPS on a bad note and more people from other classes heard about how I was demanding I was :(

I thought that the buzz would die down soon since CmPS was over. It died down but it was too late, many of my schoolmates already had bad impressions of me. And it wasn't anyone's fault but mine...

I should have learnt my lesson and just kept a low profile but after the Final Year Examinations, just a few weeks before school term ended, I stupidly uploaded a cover on YouTube of Ariana Grande's 'Break Free'. I didn't think it was THAT bad but apparently it was entertaining (in a bad way) and it went viral AGAIN in my school to the extent that even some teachers heard it and told me it was good. There was a mix of response, those who thought it was okay/good and those who thought it so horribly bad that they treated it as a joke. Needless to say which one the majority thought. 

During the school holiday, the video and my academic results circulated more and more. I started to unhappily accept the impending doom that I would be in a class with all new classmates next year that probably already heard many negative rumours and stories about me.

And I was right! First week of sec 3 was miserable, there were a few 'popular girls' in class that made fun of my cover, and teased me. (especially during Outward Bound Camp which you can read here: link) For a whole month, I dreaded school, I didn't want to even have to face them. They didn't even know me at all during the past 2 years! Everything they heard were based on others' judgements.

But I really didn't want to make any enemies, I was so sick of being hated on for something that happened so long ago, something I've already tried and is still trying to change from. I wasn't affected by it, but I was just... Tired. I don't want to make enemies, I'm going to be in this class for two years! 

Fortunately, after remaining silent and keeping a low profile, I heard that their perceptions of me changed and they were neutral towards me. At least, I hope so! Likewise, I started off being wary of them too, but after getting to know them better, I realised that they have both their good and bad points :)

Maybe because of my OBS blog post and because I didn't particularly like my class since I was alone most of the time, people started to think that I hated some people in class. All of a sudden I was bombarded with questions about who I hated in the class on Ask.fm. It was entertaining at first since it was funny that they thought I would actually say it online where it can be screenshot and sent to everyone. 

Just in case it wasn't clear in my answers, I don't hate anyone. Hate is a really strong word, hating someone is a waste of my time and my energy. It's too tiring to hold a grudge. I'll rather just dislike or be indifferent to someone. But I'm fine with my class now, I really am. Nothing's perfect, it's not going to be easy but I'll accept that :)

Another eventful incident that happened just last month is something that didn't directly involved me. I was just too overly-concerned about a friend, and busybody (ya la I am.) Vivian, who was a friend of my close friend, Lisa, was bullied by her classmate who added a mysterious number into their class WhatsApp group. The mysterious number (we eventually found out his identity) pretended to be Vivian's boyfriend.

In front of 37 other classmates, the two of them made inappropriate jokes about Vivian, Vivian's boyfriend and Vivian's boyfriend's mother. They made crude sexual jokes in front of the WHOLE class and didn't even feel sorry! They even tried to turn the tables and said Vivian was asking for it.

There's much more of this convo but this was the general idea.

We supported Vivian by comforting her and standing by her side as she reported the bullying. The teacher decided to do nothing and we got mad that nothing was going to be done to the shallow girl that added the number. How can she just get away with it?

So whenever this girl was in the vicinity, I would shout out the name of the mysterious man just to provoke her and let her know that we know his identity and how she was related to him. It was silly, I know but we couldn't do much since the teacher was so unhelpful and Vivian didn't want the matter to blow too big. (I have her permission for this entry though)

The girl told her friend who just like me, wanted to stand up for her friend too. But this friend only heard one side of the story and WhatsApp-ed me so the argument was pretty invalid. The girl who created the mess texted me herself and I tried to be nice and polite by handling it in a mature and firm way but she got so caught up in her own lies we found loopholes in her defence. She was contradicting herself and we had proof! A bit pathetic la haha but in the end, she stopped replying since she knew she was losing. Till now, she still doesn't think she is wrong nor have the guts to do anything more than gossip about my group of friends and I to her clique. As if we care hahaha

So what were my intentions after telling such a long story? 

My point is that I KNOW that I've done something wrong. I KNOW that I've made shameful and embarrassing mistakes and choices. And I am sorry to everyone I have shouted at, sorry to everyone I have bossed around. Sorry if I had ever hurt your feelings unintentionally. I will change okay? Slowly, but surely I will change. And I will proof to you with time, I can change to become an even better person. All I ask is for that chance for me to show you :)

And instead of badmouthing me when I do something you don't like, have the guts to tell me so I can reflect and improve on it.

However, I am NOT sorry for uploading those dumb videos onto YouTube and for writing my all my blog posts. It's my blog, it's my YouTube, it's choice, not anyone else's. 

My mistakes and choices may have humiliated me so much I cringe at the mention of it, but I got over it. In fact, I'll just keep making more mistakes in the future by uploading even more covers and if you don't like it, simple, just don't listen to it.

Also, lastly, I am NOT sorry for being confident. I am NOT sorry for being happy about my results, I worked hard, I deserve to be proud of myself. If I was insensitive to anyone and showed off unintentionally, I'm sorry.

In conclusion, after reading some of the things that I've went through, do you think petty hate online will affect me? I am someone who been through so much more hardships and difficulties than normal teenagers have in my life yet I am still so happy. right now. It's far from perfect, but I appreciate that I can look at people without wanting to hurt them, I can rationalise with myself, I have true friends who stick by myself, my academics are decent and I have wonderful relationships with my families. (I can even dig out my own hate in my ask.fm from as far as two years back and categorise them in topic of relevance!)

I'm sure the question in many people's mind would be: Doesn't the hate get to you? Why don't you just delete your ask.fm so you don't have to deal with the hate anymore?

I'm not going to delete my ask.fm because I didn't do anything wrong, I don't need to hide or avoid! I say I've grown immune to hate and deep deep down in my heart I still really don't care. The hate is very funny sometimes, especially when it doesn't make sense.

Pardon some of my answers which were slightly immature haha, I was in sec 1.

To my haters: Call me attention seeking for being honest on my blog posts, for not being ashamed of my happy family, for being able to embrace my background. Call me anything you'll like, that's not going to stop me from doing what I want, it'll just make me stronger, along with all the other rubbish I've dealt with for the past 5 years. Find new things to hate on about, I'll love to see how creative you can get.

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As always, thanks for reading everything! Please feel free to leave your thoughts and opinions on this blog post and online hate/cyber bullying down in the comments bar below! (There have been some problems but I've fixed it already)

❤,

Jermainex

First things first, you know how your seniors will always say how Outward Bound Singapore (OBS) is so so amazing, life-changing and FUN? Well, that's so far from the truth I want to puke. (literally haha)

I was so excited and happy to go to OBS and I didn't understand why some of friends insisted on not going. My dad actually foreshadowed that I would hate OBS since I'm so anti-adventurous but I was too happy to bother. Now I regret my decision of not doing Service Learning (my school's alternate choice to OBS) badly.

I mean, other campers and watches (OBS term for groups with about 14-16 people each) probably had tons of fun (some people liked it so much they posted group shots with their instructors on instagram omg bless them) but for me it was unpleasant.

Let's start off with the packing list as I'm sure some of the readers might be kiasu teenagers who are unsure of what to pack and went to Google.  I did that too, it's perfectly alright! (Check out this blog post, it helped a lot and the writer is really funny: link) 

For those who have already been to OBS, you can scroll pass this and go straight to Day 1.



Pack everything in the list above with the recommended amount except for these useless items:

Reusable plastic bottle for drinking purposes (at least 1.5L) - I brought along 2 but it was so useless since we only need 1 normal water bottle when playing games and when we were row boating each of us carried 2 2L Water Jugs onto the row boat. Not sure if it was necessary for those who trekked or kayaked but you can just use the camp's bottles.

There's no need to fill the water bottles before you go, it's going to be so heavy! They have drinkable water from the taps at both camps. Many people say it tastes disgusting but it just tastes slightly chlorine-y because it is from Pulau Ubin's reservoir but it is drinkable.

Hand Sanitizer for hygiene - don't need to bring unless you are very scared of getting your hands dirty. You can just wash your hands.

Writing materials - small notebook and pen - the notebook will waste storage space and you can just borrow your friend's pen for reflections.

Pocket Knife - No mention of this at all during the camp.

Camera & Film - Who will waste storage space for a heavy Polaroid and films? It's going to be the least of your priorities, trust me.

Personal First Aid items - just bring your prescriptions if you have any. If you suffer from any injuries during the camp you can just go to the medical centre. Don't need to be so kiasu!

Lighters/Matches - Only need it to light up solid fuel when cooking, one watch only need one.

Swimwear (Optional) - You'll be crazy to bring it.

Cotton twine - My watch didn't even use it but other watches only used it to tie around their glasses in case it drops off when you're in the sea. Only a small bit is used so you can share with your friends.

Solid Fuel - For every meal, one watch needs about 9 solid fuel. You may discuss with your watch mates on who's the one to buy (it's available at Beach Road) or just depend on them again haha

Some other things that are important:

Recycled Supermarket Plastic Bags/trash bag/zip lock bag - this is very important to keep your personal belongings and wet clothes. Bring at least 5!

Torchlight and spare batteries - you need it to pitch your tent in the dark and for trekking and when walking in the forest. It's very important! 

-

Now you might be thinking, how am I supposed to fit all this into my bag? I manage to do it with only 1 haversack and a sleeping bag. I saw some girls carrying luggage or 2 to 3 huge bags + sleeping bags and shoe bags. How they manage to carry so many bags without falling, I don't know.

First sort your clothes and put them in separate zip lock bags. What I did was to categorise my clothes into tops, bottoms, undergarments and socks, and towels. Only 5 zip lock bags. You can also try to put them based on what you are going to wear, example day 1's clothes and undergarments in zip lock bag 1 and same for day 2 and more so you can just grab the entire zip lock bag when you want to bathe since it's a race for the shower cubicles.

How to save storage space:

After making your clothes into a rectangle shape like how you normal fold your clothes, roll it up like a sushi roll. Tip is to roll it as tight and small as possible. This is useful not only for OBS but also for traveling.

Put your rolled clothes in your zip lock bag. Zip up but leave a small opening. To keep this small opening in place you can use a paper clip. Then you press on the bag with all your strength and sit on both sides of the zip lock bag to squeeze out all the air and zip it up fully. It'll be much easier to slot these zip lock bags into your haversack!

For your Shoes for Wet Activities, you can put them in a shoe bag and just clip it onto your haversack.

Here's what I carried! Was quite proud of myself after seeing how much baggage (burden) some people have.

Took the bus from school to Singapore jetty, then boat to Pulau Ubin jetty. Boat experience was quite fun with the sea breeze in your face when you open the window.



The school bus took forever to come...



I didn't sleep well so I didn't look so good :(





Took pictures as if I was on a holiday. Hahaha if only!

First essential when I reached was to spray mosquito repellent everywhere on myself because no one wants to deal with an itch for the next 4 days.

We surrendered our phones and wallets, containing our moneys and identification. I was so excited to start having fun but nothing much happened that day.

We gathered at a void deck shelter and the instructors plagiarised Harry Potter! (a bit of a hyperbole but ya) They split the cohort into half and my camp, Camp 1 Chicken (whoever's genius idea was it to name us after a term for cowards) was designated 'Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Hufflepuff' through the drawing of lots. And we had to call our instructors Professors. My watch was Ravenclaw which isn't that bad, I guess. So throughout the 4 days they referred to normal things as 'Nimbus 2000' 'Firebolt' and more kept making up spells which was at least tolerable since I absolutely adore Harry Potter.

So how is that a problem since I'm a huge Potterhead? Well, because of this they created a lot of competitive games between the Hogwarts 'Houses' and changed some of the itinerary of the camp so we couldn't do the more fun activities the other half of the cohort did.

Not really a big-scale problem but it gets worse later on due to this.

The next thing we did was to divide a big bunch of food equally into 15 pax and it was our 'Happy Food' that we could eat anytime we want. There would be no refilling of food for the next days though and there was only 1 packet of milo :( And the Happy Food was our LUNCH! So sad, I wished there was a proper meal since most of were so hungry already. It is mostly unhealthy snacks and some stale bread, so how did MOE approve this :(

Afterwards, we were tasked to draw a map of the entire OBS campus so my watch split up to cover the different points. It took us one hour to do that! Then our Instructor marked out the points on our not very accurate hand-drawn map and we split up to search for the puzzle pieces. Because our map wasn't accurate, some of us had trouble finding the pieces and in the end we took 2 hours for what the instructor said was supposed to be a 30 minutes activity. Sigh...

The puzzle pieces made up to form what Ravenclaw's special value was and we analysed correctly that it was Humility. In the books, Hufflepuff was the house with Humility and we were supposed to be intelligent but okay?? Did they just used TKGS' school values... We were supposed to show through our actions to other houses what our value was without telling them. I don't even know how that was supposed to be possible but okay(?).

Next we played competitive games against other houses. 12 people had to walk in synchronisation with a bamboo pole ('Nimbus 2000') between our thighs to reach the other side. Then using this sponge-like puzzle piece thing, the ones little kids play with with an alphabet on each piece, we had to form a bridge formation over the 'water' while always keeping contact with the watch mates still on 'land'. It sounds easy but it was so hard! And they had to set an unrealistic rule of completing this + everyone throwing the balls into the air and catching the next person's ball two consecutive times in a row without dropping a single ball in less than 200 seconds (3 minutes and 20 seconds) it was impossible so after a while they just cancelled that rule. Slytherin won followed by Ravenclaw then Hufflepuff and Gryffindor was last. What a plot twist haha it was quite fun actually.

When we finally thought that we would be doing something more adventurous, we went to clear our store :( I was chosen as the store IC (In-Charge) and together my watch and I had to check if all our cooking, tent and water equipments were in correct amounts.

Then we went to have dinner! We cooked ourselves with can food such as Sardines, Peanuts and Vegetarian Mix. We were given too much rice but the pot was too small so the bottom portion of the rice was burnt and the top part was porridge-like. I was too hungry so I just ate it until the instructor said that he bought us rice from the canteen and we should throw away the burned cooked rice. At that point I actually ate quite a lot of the bad rice already, so that's probably why I fell sick later on. 

After that we had to clean up after ourselves at a shared tap area with all the other watches so it was really crowded and hard work since we had to wash a lot of mass tins (what we use as our plates) and the water level in the area was high so our shoes got wet. My back ached badly after that and the drain got choked so some of us went to clean up the super disgusting leftovers with cardboard paper :(

After showering (our watch has two toilets with heaters, thank goodness) we trekked to our campsite which was in the jungle. Bad luck again, our lot was the one right deep in the jungle above steep slopes and our campsite was probably the most rocky and steep one. Other watches' campsite were just beyond the gates! So lucky! It was so scary to go up there with thick roots and branches everywhere but the watch stuck together and we all used our flashlights. 

We pitched our tents in the dark (we learnt how to do so before we trekked) and since I was too short to reach the top part of the tent I mostly shone the light for my 2 other tent mates. There were approximately 3-4 people in a tent although it can fit up to 6 people.

Some people couldn't sleep well and rested for only 2 hours but I thought I slept relatively quite well since I only woke up to adjust my sleeping bag.

We slept at 11+ and had to wake up, trek back to the camp and wash up by 5.55AM! I was so not used to it because on school days I usually sleep at 9.30 and wake up at 5.30, catching at least 8 hours of sleep. I was super giddy (signs of getting sick which I overlooked) but we still had to do morning exercises like stretching, sit-ups, squats, planks and push ups with the enthusiastic instructors, or should I say 'Professors' in the Mulit-Purpose Hall.

For breakfast, we had a proper meal! Yay! We ate beehoon with sausage at the canteen. It wasn't very nice and we couldn't get second servings but better than happy food. There wasn't Milo but there was Ovaltine, again better than nothing. We cleaned up after ourselves again and this time there was a huge sink, better detergent and sponge.

I forgot what we did here but I think we just played some more games. We also wore Lifevests, interlocked our arms and hands with our watchmates and instructor and went into the cooling sea in a circle. It was quite fun to go under and float on our backs until we came up and our shoes and clothes were dripping wet.

Because of the 'Harry Potter' game, they told us to rowboat instead of Kayak which was what we were supposed to do because the rowboat would be like our 'Nimbus 2000' in the 'Triwizard Tournament' against an imaginary 'Drumstrang'. We went to OBS looking forward and thinking we would be learning how to kayak but no! Disappointment.

Also, rowboats require 6 people rowing, 1 helmsman (Captain) controlling the direction of the rowboat and for those with extra members, someone sitting at the front of the boat warning the others of any impending danger since everyone except the Captain at the back of the boat is facing backwards to the front of the boat. This means that a lot of corporation is needed. When we first tried row boating, the team was naturally gifted at row boating and since I was the 8th member, I sat at the front of the boat and warned them if we were getting too close to other boats. I actually dozed off a bit haha :P My boat mates let me try row boating a few times until I got tired. They rowed from Camp 1 to Camp 2 which wasn't too far away so it was okay.

My boat won the first mini-competition where we race to touch the instructor's speed boat safety ring but for the second competition we were 5th! That doesn't even make sense, the boats didn't even start at the same spot! And I was so sure that my group's boat was the 3rd but no, the instructors said that from their point of view we were not. They weren't even looking at us when we rowed past the finishing point! I thought it was pretty biased of them since the top 3 ended up to be from the judging instructors' own watch. The rest of us had to push our rowboats and load from the super muddy, rocky slope at camp 2 while the winners get to stop at the jetty. 

Our shoes finally dried when we were row boating in the hot sun, but we had to get it wet again and our shoes and shoelaces turned BROWN. Great. I was so annoyed especially since we were one of the winners! 

We were told that we couldn't shower so we didn't bring any towels and soap so we just borrowed them from other watches. So nice of them :) We then pitched our tents and cooked dinner on the beach with better food this time round. Maggi mee, curry chicken and corn! No one liked the corn. My watch mates did a really good job cooking so we all ate a lot but I think some of the sand got into the food. 

When I went to get my torch light after eating so I can go to the toilet which is a 15 minutes walk away, my watch mates shouted at me to wash the pots and mass tins and clear the rubbish. I was starting to get annoyed why did the scream at me in an unpleasant manner? It's not like I wouldn't help after I washed my own mass tin first! Especially since I wasn't good with opening the cans and cooking, of course I will clean up! 

This + the fact that for the past two days they kept teasing me about a joke that they made and I played along to. When I asked where we going when walking somewhere in day 1, one girl said sarcastically "back to Singapore" so I just played along and she told everyone about this and everyone kept teasing me about "trekking/swimming/row boating/kayaking back to Singapore". And many times they talked about me behind my back, I just ignored it. The same girl and her friends like to call me 'stupid' when I did something they dislike or don't understand. They were literally being so childish and obvious! My own friends were either in Singapore doing Service Learning or in other watches far away from us and I was homesick so that made me feel even worse. 

It got to a point where I was depressed and started to think that the entire watch hates me. (which is kind of true)

I felt so so sad that they liked to make me feel like crap and treated me so badly, that I couldn't take it and I cried. My eyes and nose got all swollen while I was walking back and forth to the wash area cleaning what they told me to clean and folding up the tarp (like our picnic mat) alone with someone from another watch. I would have felt better after crying to myself and telling myself they're just immature, but the school teachers saw me and asked me what happened. The people who bullied me walked past and saw everything. Then the instructor pulled me out from the watch and talked to me about the situation while the rest of them were left alone to gossip about me crying.

After that they pretended to be kind and asked me if "I was okay" when they were they one that made me cry in the first place. We went to sleep and the ground was flat with less roots and rocks so we slept well even without our sleeping bags.

We had sentry duty and each tent had to wake up for 30 mins to make sure that the speedboats and rowboats don't drift away and no wild boars from the jungle beside us entered our campsite. The tent beside us woke us up at 4.10 instead of 4.30 saying that they were woken up early too because some tents were irresponsible and didn't do their duty.

After having a hard time waking up my tent mates we did our watch for about 30 minutes (none of us had a watch) and went back to sleep. 

We were all supposed to wake up at 5, wash up, unpitch tents and place our belongings in the bins that will be loaded onto the instructors' speedboat.


During the loading, I wanted to help and asked if there was anything to do. One of my watch mates told me to carry the back pack carrying 14 mass tins + the cooking pot. It was too heavy so I fell down and slipped on the grass. I cried for help to my watch mates standing at the camp site talking and they ignored me. Luckily, my drama friend from another watch helped me carry it to the speed boat. She's so nice omg. I was irritated that there were people just standing there though.


We were supposed to start our journey back to Camp 1 at 7.30AM, but many of us overslept (my tent included) and we left only at 8.

We were in different groupings and different rowboats than the previous day's one so I was in a group with people from other watches. 

They rowed quite well, although lacking compared to yesterday's row boat group. Since the rowboat ores are super heavy and since my physical strength is very weak, I couldn't carry it and can only row for like 10 minutes before I felt like dying.

Thus, I was the helmsman and because of my giddiness from the high fever I didn't know I was having, I kept steering in the wrong direction and that affected the speed of the boat :( My boat mates were not rowing in syncronisation since they were so tired but I couldn't help them and I felt so bad asking them to row better since I had no right to do so when I was not helping at all :( I'm sorry!!

The only 'fun' thing was that I went to pee in the sea and the water pressure made it hard to do so but the instructors say it was 'change you for life'. Kind of disgusting, actually. And it's so hard and painful to climb back onto the boat.

After everyone got tired for rowing the boat for so many hours, the speed of the boat slowed down so much our estimated 9 hours journey dragged to  11 hours and the instructor said we 'couldn't MI (make it)' and dragged us back to shore by tying a rope to the row boats to their speed boat. It was so humiliating sigh.

As if the situation couldn't get worse, the vomiting started! I don't usually get seasick but I've vomited due to motion sickness on a long flight before. I vomited 4 times, 4 TIMES! And the instructors said that it was NORMAL and okay and didn't even care. This female instructor kept pointing me out as 'The Girl in Red', I get it that I wasn't doing a good job as the helmsman but come on, I vomited 4 times, cut me some slack please! It got so bad I was vomiting the gastric juices in my stomach out and it was so painful I couldn't stand...

The first time I vomited this one girl from my watch was having the time of her life making fun of how disgusting it was and laughing with her friends. We were told to vomit into the sea, if not vomit where, onto boat mates ah? Also never asked to see... When I said "Is it very funny that I'm sick?" She shut up and asked me if I was okay when I vomited the second time. But after more vomiting, she and some others who were annoyed with rowing for so long told my boat mates to continue rowing faster when they were kind enough to stop for me to vomit into the sea. If she's the one vomiting, I'm sure the ENTIRE fleet would have stopped for her, ugh. However, most people were nice and asked if I was okay, but what can I say? My stomach hurts so much I want to die? Just say I'm okay lorh.

When we finally reached and we helped to unload the instructors' speedboat carrying all our shared food, personal belongings and cooking utensils, I vomited again. My school teacher saw and told me to ask the instructor if I could go to the Medial Centre (sick bay) and he say I just needed to rest, drink water and that it is just NORMAL SEASICKNESS! So I stood at a side awkwardly while everyone else was moving the load. It felt so embarrassing and I felt bad for not helping again. Thank goodness, kind Mr M told the instructor to take me to the Medical Centre.

Then I spent the next few days in the Medical Centre, where I vomited more of my gastric juices, a really nice cup of Milo the training nurse who thought I just had mere high fever and all my medicine out again. At least I got to sleep early and on a bed that night! Hahaha... The training nurse was not very well trained and she complained about having so many patients to take care of when she haven't had her dinner but she was quite kind...

We took a boat back to Singapore, went to Sengkang Polyclinic and unfortunately returned back to Pulau Ubin :( I just packed my bags and stayed in the Medical Centre to rest after eating my medicine. My watch did more fun activities like height elements such as log climbing and belaying but by that point the doctor already gave me an MC saying that I shouldn't participate in OBS anymore (thank goodness) and I didn't really want to go back to my watch who will probably make fun of me again anyways.

The other girls who weren't feeling well and I talked quite a bit and we joined the rest of the cohort at the end and took the first bus to the jetty and the first boat to Singapore. Although I disliked OBS I wanted to buy the Outward Bound Singapore shirt which was quite pretty but one of the staff members escorting us back said it was sold out :(

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WE WERE FINALLY BACK IN SINGAPORE! I was so happy but I was in the bus with people from other watches so I didn't talk to anyone. I didn't go to school the next day since I was told to rest and guess what, I was right, they gossiped some MORE about me.



Looking so bad after being stuck in the medical centre. I was wearing an oversized khaki shirt with the word 'SURF' at the back and knee-length pants with a buckle in front from the Medical Centre and I didn't even comb my hair! The worst appearance of me has been exposed to my fellow school mates :( But by that time I was too sick and tired to care much, as you can probably tell from the selfie, I looked the worse for wear.

I heard that my watch mates twisted the story so that they were like the victims of the story and I went to tattletale to the teachers. I didn't even say any names when I told them what happened! I just said 'someone' or 'a popular girl'. The instructor asked for name so I had no choice but to say but I said 'I don't want to get them into trouble' which they didn't. Some of my classmates did ask me if I was okay, but I think they talked about other things about me which made everyone dislike me more. Oh well, I am used to it already.

So moral of the story: if your watch hates you, your OBS will be hell. If they are nice to you, it will at least be tolerable. All in all, the class really did bond during OBS, we got to know more about each other, I learnt so much about the people who were mean to me and those who were nice and have a good heart. However, never in my right mind again will I go for OBS, I'm just not cut out for it. I'm not adventurous and this is just simply to physically and mentally exhausting.

I think all of us really learnt to be more appreciative of the little things in our lives. Example when I went home, home food has never tasted so good before and I am so thankful for my family. Beds, air-conditioners and water heater are privileges I won't take for granted anymore :)

So that's how Outward Bound Singapore was like for me! To be honest, I'm kind of sad that my OBS experience wasn't fun, I'm envious of those that had fun, they can remember it positively for the rest of their lives while I cringe about how badly it hurt when I was vomiting :( Thanks for reading everything, be it the good or bad! 

What did you think of my blog post? If you've been to OBS, I would love to read how it was like for you! What did you do? Did you have fun? If you haven't been to OBS yet, did my not-to-pack list help you? I hope it did! Comments down below with your gmail accounts or remain anonymous :)

P.S. If you think I am indirecting you, if the shoe fits, wear it. At least I didn't outrightly mention you.

❤,

Jermainex